Being a newlywed is a blissful time for couples. In this stage, couples are still getting to know each other and are in the process of adjusting in this new phase of their relationship. Your in-laws may be great people but actually living with them may not be such a good idea. Sure, you may be able to save money by living with them but you might end up having to pay a higher price in the long run. Here are four reasons why you should not live together with your in-laws.
Privacy
All couples should be allowed to have their private time together. But with your in-laws constantly around, you may no longer be able to spend quality time with your spouse at home. And it is their home you are living in, you’ll have a hard time telling them to give you time alone.
Too much familiarity can breed contempt
When it comes to in-laws, no matter how awesomely cool they are, it is always better to keep a safe distance. Before marriage, you might be the nice girlfriend who is such a pleasure to have around. But a few months into the marriage, you might become the lazy daughter-in-law who refuses to clean up or the wife who can’t cook. Your beautiful relationship would then go down the drain.
They’ll expect you to answer to them
You might be grown-ups already but to your parents, you will still be the children. It might be great to be treated like the little princess when you are young – but not when you have a family of your own. Acting like daddy’s little girl or a mama’s boy is not going to be good for your relationship with your spouse. Aside from this, living in your in-law’s house gives them a sense of authority over both of you. After all, it is their house. So it has to be their rules. Living with your in-laws won’t give you total freedom. You would have to tiptoe around them to be sure that you won’t be offending any sensibilities. However, if you don’t mind following their rules, then living with them may not be such a bad thing.
Parenting interference
If you think that living with your in-laws is hard, just wait until you have children. As first-time parents, your in-laws will be seeing you as neophytes in the avenue of parenting. They won’t be able to resist butting in and giving advice even when you don’t want it. All of a sudden you may find that they are the ones raising your children instead of you.
Again, in-laws are great to have Sunday lunch with. But living with them is another story. Don’t make it any harder for you and your spouse. Don’t live with the in-laws.
Have you tried living with your in-laws? How did you make it work, or didn’t it work?
Hello, everyone.
I feel extremely justified in my feelings knowing that I am not the only person going through this. My now husband and I moved into his parents house and got married after four months of being in a committed relationship. In the beginning I really did try with his family, but never really felt appreciated. I made dinner once of my native culture to which no one really seemed to even like, and I did not feel appreciated. I would ask his younger siblings, 13 and 18, if they wanted food while I was out to which they basically just said “thanks” and left me to eat by myself. Because I never felt appreciated I never repeated those actions. In the beginning of moving in, I would work 5-6 days a week with very long hours and nights to which his parents noticed that I did no chores around the house (keep in mind I kept to the room mainly because I was so busy and never made a mess). Especially being a grown adult, living with your in laws is not the move. Work your ass off and stay independent to keep your happiness and sanity! I am having to mend my almost non-existent relationship with them otherwise it will be a deal breaker to my husband. For me, however, I am not so sure if I even want to. According to my husband, it is completely up to me to get to know them and that it doesn’t go both ways. There is definitely more to the story but at the end of the day I just do not feel comfortable around them. If I had to see them on special occasions and get to know them through that I think that would’ve been the best way rather than moving in right away and putting pressure on myself to be the best daughter in law considering a global pandemic, a lack of employment, bouts of depression and anxiety, court cases, and the fact that I am the complete opposite of them as they are the conservative, religious hispanic type.
Hope everyone, myself included, can find a sense of peace and happiness. 🙂
I feel your pain, I’m living with my in laws at my bf’s house. I also feel like I do a lot to please them and don’t see them to care about me or my 10yr old daughter from my previous marriage. I feel like giving up and finding my independence from all of them, leaving my relationship and dreams I was had with my bf. it is depressing, they have lived their marriage for a long time I feel they should know better that we need to not live together. They continue to treat my bf and his son as two little ones
Good day .. I really don’t know where to start . My boyfriend and I are together for almost 7 years now , we have a 6 years old son and we are living with his parents . His parents are I think ,good people anyway including my sister-in-law . My only problem is I get pissed easily with his sister because she’s kinda lazy ..ya know , the kind of lazy where ” I’ve been trying to keep the house clean , I washes the dishes right after eating to keep away all kinds of pests like rats and cockroaches from invading the house , and suddenly she decided to eat spaghetti for a snack then just shoves the plate in the already clean sink and leaves the table without even wiping the stains. I don’t know if I’m just being bitchy but it really pisses me of .. I really wanted to tell her to clean after herself but I realized my God , she’s old enough to do what she had to do . So I just keep it all in , I’ve been having chest pains that goes through my upper back lately from suppressing my annoyance . But my in-law is very observant , she know’s I’m pissed because I’m being silent , now she’s pissed at me too . I’m tired of saying sorry everytime I’m pissed and felt guilty for feeling it
My son of 34 years age recently got married. As of now she has done all the right things in her relationship with me and my wife. They got married in May 2020. In July my son and his wife have decided to go and live with her parents. I will not interfere with his decision nor say anything that will show any concern with his decision. From what I have seen thus far, my don’s In-laws are very nice people. But that doesn’t stop me from worrying with the new set up. It will restrict me and my wife, the parents of the boy, from visiting their house. They are also some twenty times more wealthy than we are. All of this worries me and my wife in terms of our relationship with our son, and their long term happiness. Am I being overly sensitive?
My sister in law was rude and dismissive of me from the first time I met her but I had always encouraged her relationship with my fiance because I cared about him. After a big fight with my fiance, he told me his sister doesn’t like me and I should avoid her. Fast forward 1 year, my fiance proposed during Covid and quickly spread the news to his mom and sister who asked if it “was really necessary”. A week later his 31 y/o sister asks my fiance if she can move into our small 2 bedroom house so she can look for a place to live in the area. He agrees to 2 months free rent and then asks me how I feel about it. So I reluctantly agree because I felt there was no other option. A month before she arrives my fiance lets me know that his sister can redecorate our home, take care of our dogs, help run his business and she will be staying long term- no end in sight. So I sit him down and I tell him all the concerns I have about the arrangement – she doesn’t like me for starters, he doesn’t really get along with her, we are trying to conceive, we are both out of work, we’re in the middle of a pandemic, his sister doesn’t respect boundaries. He tells me that it’s too late to have concerns, if I don’t live with her, he’s moving out. So I back down and apologize. She arrives a month later. She immediately starts pulling my fiance away, letting us know what needs to be done around the house and barely acknowledges me. By day 3 my fiance informs me that his sister will be entertaining a guest overnight in our home, and they will plan out dinner and host him so I can have a break. I got so angry, I left and I didn’t come home. He moved out with her shortly after. He is now requesting I pay $15,000 for money he spent over the course of our relationship. I think when it fell apart I saw how much healthier it would have been to assert my boundaries in the beginning- you don’t have to apologize for wanting privacy and to feel secure in your relationship.
Oh mann… you certainly do NOT! Count this a blessing and sever those ties. Relationships like this one will never have a chance. The sister holds all the power over her brother. It’s sad that your ex doesn’t see that his allowing himself to be controlled by his family when he is a grown adult man, more so then anything else, it says that that haven’t any respect for him and think he is incapable of running his own house, therefore they imposed their or her will. A man like this learned to be obedient and not to have an opinion or to think for himself. He a puppet and he always will me. He is full of fear to stand his ground and he will never set healthy boundaries. Soooo sad!
When my mother-in-law was widowed, my spouse and I decided to move down to the town where she lives. I had no idea we would end up buying her house with her still in it. We just celebrated 27 years of marriage and she’s ruining it. We’re taking care of her pet while she’s on vacation and I noticed she made little wedding scrapbooks for my husband and his two brothers. In our wedding scrapbook on the very first page is a picture of my husband and the first girl he was engaged to showing off her ring. There are hardly any pictures of us as a couple—-it’s mostly pictures of my husband. Now, I know that my brother-in-laws are constantly sending his mother pictures–we have pictures of the two of us, but we just never got around to mailing them out. I figured if she wanted pictures for a scrapbook she would ask. I mean, any normal woman would be hurt to see pictures of a former girlfriend in their wedding album. right? And this isn’t the first time she’s made me feel like crap since moving in.
My fiancé and I are looking for a house…I originally wanted a cute Condo…But then the mom in law who is a 50 year old widow for 2 years now asked to live with us after her parents pass….I of course couldn’t turn down my fiancé when she brought this up…But now I’m getting all these expectations when finding a house….Can’t look for a condo now because they’re all too small and the mother in law keeps complaining about the obvious HARD stuff about keeping up a house…I COULD find more condos but the mom in law WANTS to stay in a certain area…SO I’m catering where I want to buy my house based off HER needs….
She’s not even living with us and I’m already feeling like she’s laughing at me…just because I had a price range that I guess isn’t to her or her daughter’s standards and I feel like my fiancé has a better chance just LEAVING me for a freakin Lawyer or a doctor or someone who can satisfy her AND her mom….
I’m a woman so it’s already clear that her mom was disappointed about the “not so conventional” couple and I still think I feel that. I don’t feel fully accepted still and just LOOKING for a house it shows as she keeps bringing up the HARDSHIPS that sound suspiciously like something men should do around the house such as maintenance…
How should I go about talking about this with my fiancé?
Well the rule is very simple
” DO NOT LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS OR INLAWS AFTER MARRIAGE !!!” even if they are nice.
You and your spouse deserves your private space at every cost.
If your parents are not ready to let you do that , either do not marry or speak in a way showing that you have grown up and can take care of them from a distance but not under the same roof with your spouse.
I am the father and my son left me after marriage just for his privacy.i am so attached to him and not able to take this separation. Pls suggest what to do
Hi All,
I’m glad I’m not alone. I’m 26 years old and I’m going through something very similar. I am a full-time student and I have a part-time job. Ever since my husband and I got married 5 years ago we’ve been living under the same roof as his mother. She is in her 50’s and still single, doesn’t want to live alone, and therefore uses that as an excuse to live with us. The house belongs to my husband and was given to him by his mother. I feel like I’m at a point where I don’t know how much longer I can take the situation. His mother’s presence in the house is causing a lot of problems in my relationship. I feel like whenever I cook or do something I have to do it with such care otherwise his mom will judge that’s just the way I feel things. He’s an only son, and I’m trying to keep things together because I need to finish my degree in order to be independent. He helps me a lot with the bills, but at this point in time, this is just putting so many stressors in my life. I honestly don’t know what to do 🙁
Oh I feel the same way. 🙁
It was really hard and I dont know how long I can take it.
Accidentally found this post online and Thank God! It’s like it’s me writing all this stuff. I moved from another country and we decided it would be better to live with his parents for a while to save money for a down-payment. Big mistake!! It’s been very hard and we’ve been with them for almost 6 months and I feel our relationship changed – all levels – because we don’t have privacy and they are always around. I can’t wait to move on my own and at this point I don’t mind renting and paying $150 more – because we pay rent anyways – just to be in peace and on my own space.
Thank God, I’m not going crazy and lonely. I am so happy finding this blog. I feel every single word as real as my feelings living in my husband’s house with her unmarried older sister living with him and his son for a long time. My husband don’t feel how I feel even if I explain it to him a thousand times. So as SIL probably, because it’s been almost four years since I and my husband got married, now with two kids, and she still wants to help raise my husband’s son who is now 12yr old. It’s really hard. I just wish she would leave voluntarily and think about her future, her brother’s future and the family.
Hi Guys
well im sitting here reading everyones comments and complaints and its so weird and funny to me cause everyone complaining about staying with inlaws are women
now im in a different situation where my husband wants to move into my parents house and i dont know what to do or say ,,,, sometimes im ok with it sometimes im not ,,,, thing is we married for almost 6 years now and been staying on our own renting and now we want to pay off our debt and renting slows it down so he wants to move into my parents house which is already crowded….. to pay of all our debts and then build on there and stay there for awhile longer….
Yes my parents love him but im scared without privacy or intimacy for months we would fall apart … and we have furniture and clothes and all that wont all fit i my moms place as there is no space…..
please advice i need some direction on this issue
My wife just went off to stay with her parents since they have more space . i had my reservations from the start since we are under pandemic rules and she had a cough and I had a runny nose. She went ahead with it and I backed out . Its stressful . I guess they do live a in a mansion but I didn’t feel right to just bail out of our own efforts to get through this together. We were doing so well last week helping each other as much as we could and staying calm in our 2 bedroom apartment.
Thank God I’m not going through this alone. Thank y’all for sharing your experiences.
I stayed with my hubby for one year separately before we moved to his parents home, where he got a permanent job and I had to give in moving with him to the upcountry since we were also expecting our first born too. The first months were as good as one could expect to be treated in a new environment. I also tried to adjust to fit in since I was from a different tribe.
A few months later things changed, in terms of their communication towards me as well as food presentation and other basic things. From that time henceforth I always feel that they only like me if it is in their favour, otherwise they talk about me alot since I also don’t get their language.
I have lived with my in laws since i got married. Before getting married my husband asked me if i wanted to live alone and rent an apartment. I said no because they were old and felt sorry leaving them when they needed the most. After 1 year of marriage my son was born and thats when my problems started. My sister in law with her 4yrs daughter came to live with us because her husband was in jail. She doesnt work, have no incomes at all and my husband and me have to keep 7 people in the house. My husband have a very good incomes and im ok. Now it has been 5 years his sister is always with us, even on weekedns when we go out she and her daughter comes with us. My husband doesnt want to move out cause he says he cant keep 2 houses with his incomes. And we got stuck. His family is very ok but its been 5 years we can barely have sex or be together. I cant even talk to him anymore withought someone else being near us. The worst is that he never thinks of taking me and my son in any holiday just to be us three alone. My husband is perfect caring men but if he never tries to solve this i think one day i might leave and im never coming back again. Not in this house. So dont do my mistakes. Never live with your in laws! When couple gets married they should always live alone. Its a law of nature.
I feel you. My SIL has been living with my husband and step-son long before we got married. SIL is nearly 40’s, single, unmarried and is helping raising the nephew. Now it’s almost four years since my husband and I were married and she’s still here. It’s just so hard thinking that our intimacy in our marriage life is fading and thinking that someone is around the house all the time giving us no privacy. To add up more, problems starts when our baby was born, she acts obviously obsessed with baby and always wanted attention and time from our child. Like literally showing up everyday when we are having a great family time, she’s just gonna start talking and talking to the baby and it upsets me as the mom. Husband and I fights if I try to explain those stuff on him.
My life right now to the t. My husband and i have three children r staying with his mom and I am to the point where I just want to buy a little shack to put outside for us just to have some space away from her.
hello. i really need help.
actually, I’ve been married now 2 years and 6 months. i’m living with my husband and in laws. my father in law passed away 5 years after my wedding. since then, our life changed. it was very hard at first but after 1 year we started living normally. my husband and i always looked after my in laws and took care of my mother in law to comfort and support her. i really cared for her like my mum but then i realized that she didn’t care a damn for us. she has two sons but she always loved and cared for the one who did not care a damn about her and what my husband and i got in return was pain, hurt and insult. during my first month of wedding, my husband and i used to went out but my mother in law did not seem to like that. despite i used to bring her and my father in law for some occasions. i was the daughter in law who wished to live her in laws happily but in vain . now i regret that decision 🙁 my life is going in ruin..and i want to prevent that.
Though, we forgave her for all her mistakes and live peacefully, she has not been able to distinguish between the son who loves and care for her and the one who does not even ask about her. she even did a terrible mistake by signing a loan contract allowing her elder son to mortgage the land and building (both downstairs and upstairs) where we’re living, without informing my husband about this act.
my brother in law and her wife live upstairs and we live downstairs. they always used my mother in law and ill treated her but despite living with us , she always took us wrong and cared and supported her other son. my sister in law once threatened my mother in law with a knife and left home several times. she even cheated her husband many times and went to work on cruise for 5 years leaving her daughter and husband.
And now i see that day by day things are getting worst. sometimes my husband and i fight due to these issues. i feel depressed living with a someone (mother in law) who does not treat us well. she always used my husband and ill treated him but was always nice to her other son and i cannot understand why.
Now my husband and i have decided to stay separately and to build a house near my mother in law’s house, so that we can look after her and she be free to do whatever she wants and we be free as well.
i want to know if im taking a right decision? thank you 🙂
Yes I have lived with my in-laws. Total hell!!!! My husband and I had been renting their house for ourselves while his parents travelled. But a month into our marriage, his parents announced his dad’s back problems were bad and none of the Florida doctors were worth a shit, so they were coming home. They said they’d be staying in the house instead of their camper because it was winter. We dealt with this because we thought they’d be gone again soon. But nope. We had no money to move out, so we just kept hoping things would improve and they’d leave again soon, but this never happened. They treated me horribly because I was a housewife. I could not really do my house duties with them around because they reinstated the house as their own turf, and I did not want to give in to their desire for me to get a job. They were critical of the way I did things and would not give me personal space. It was a mopey, depressing time for me. I have so many stories about their disrespect for me and meddling into our marital issues. It was very hard on our brand new marriage and very hard on my own relationship with them. A year into this, we finally were able to get our own house. They have backed off trying to control my husband so much, but they are bitter toward me and make that clear. Fortunately my husband tells them we are happy with the way we delegate our marriage, so we are a united front. But it doesn’t make his parents like me any more than they did while we lived with them. They are convinced my husband works too much and that I need to get a job. It’s taken a long time for me to break through the survival habits I had to develop while I lived with them. Things are a lot better now in my own life, six months later, but I’m still really sad that I can’t be accepted by my in-laws. Time will tell what happens next. They literally loved me before I quit my job. I had thought their love was unconditional as long as I make their son happy, but I was wrong.
Sharing another in-law story from hell.
My boyfriend whom I am engaged to is adopted. After losing his job he thought he’d take the opportunity to meet his birth mother who promised him he would be able to save money with her and make a new start. She had given out three of her children. To adoption services at different times of her life and it was clear she had rough beginnings. But I thought, he’ll everyone has been at a rough point in their lives give her the benefit of the doubt she is a more stable person.
Packing our last money and possessions we head five states away and arrive in what can only be described as an absolute sh*t hole.
It was evident from the get go they were animal hoarders. One of the dogs bit my boyfriend the first day we were there. They had animal poop everywhere. About ten dogs pooping every where not neutered and havin sex with each other every where. The 25 cats they had were crammed up in a bathroom after being in the room that they had us in that had cat poop and urine everywhere.
Trying to get on with these people I did my best. Unfortunately my boyfriend and I fought a lot the first few weeks mainly due to stress his end. They all were very lazy. Disabled. Ate crap. Hardcore trump supporters ( build the wall types) and considering I was an a health conscious immigrant it was clear I did NOT FIT IN. I tried to!
I ended up falling pregnant Christmas. His mother took it upon herself to tell everyone she could. It was becoming more and more suffocating as she demanded everything we do be around this new family of his. She talked about her daughter giving blow jobs at dinner. I mean this woman had no boundaries at all.
The buck stopped when she outright attacked me. She started calling me a POS, that I would make a horrible mother all sorts of names. Her husband ended up joining in and making fun of me being a woman. It was so traumatizing I left. Pregnant. No car. No vechile. An immigrant… but it was better than staying there any longer
I contacted a friend of mine in my home country, got the hell out and am now staying in a hotel for a short period.
There is so much more to this nightmare story, but for the love of god please be careful when choosing to live with extended family. They don’t always have your interests at heart
I was warned by his adopted family she was a manipulative person. Even when she gave up her son years ago after her boyfriend beat him to a pulp that child services had said she was one of the most manipulative people they had encountered. And that she had all the departments pitted against each other.
I hope none of you make the mistake I have. Now I am looking at losing my partner and possibly facing the prospect of having to abort.
There are shitty people In this world. It doesn’t matter how nice you are. They can ruin your other wise ok life if you let them take it over
Be careful!
they can help you
WOW IM LOST. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE.
I LIVE WITH MY DAUGHTER AND SONINLAW AND GRAND CHILDREN..I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND LOVE LIVING WITH THEM. NO MATTER WHAT GOES ON. WE DISCUSSED IT A LITTLE, I HELPED A LITTLE FINACALLY ALL SEEMED WELL. MY SONINLAW TELLS ME IM THE BEST, HE LOVES ME, WE ARE A GOOD FAMILY..HE DOES NOT SHOW IT OFTEN BUT THATS OK WITH ME. MY DAUGHTER IS DIFFERENT..THATS OK WITH ME…I TRY TO STAY NUETRAL, OUT THE WAY BUT NOW HIS MOTHER CAME TO VISIT. TOLD ME WHY WOULD I DO THIS. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE.
have be married for nine years my husband and i where living happily and just two months ago my husband ment his ex girl friend whom he had in school days and all of a sudden he started dating her again and he never cared about his family again all he does is to stay late at night and when he come’s back he will just lie to me that he hard some fault with his car,there was this faithful day i caught the both of them in a shop,i walked to them and told the girl to stay of my husband girlfriend again,i have suffered too much in the hand of a cheating husband but and when he came home that evening he beat me up even despite the fact that i was pregnant he was just kicking and warning me to never point a finger on his affairs. thank to ancientokija whom i got from a blog site after a long search for a real spell caster i was so happy that he fufilled all what he said in just less than three days after the spell was casted they quareled and he broke up with the girl and his senses are fully back and he now care and love me like he have never done before and if you are their suffering from a broken marriage or your husband or ex cheats? you can email (drokosunspellhome01@gmail.com) his spells are pure and very powerful without any doubt. or call him.whatsapp number +2349061515609. he is the best caster that can help you with your problems
Alll this is true 🙁 im 23 years old i have a little school debt im trying to pay . Currently, i am living with my husband of 7 years being together with my in laws and its horrible. Horrible!!!! They can be nice buuuuuuuut they have been mean as well and all i can do is suck it up because my husband gets very offended when i speak of them. Mind you , i do not disrespect them at lease not to their face, but i have told my husband that i cant do anything here i cant fix my food the way i want without my mother in law fixing it her way after seeing that i organized it a certain way . I told my husband how much this bugged me and he told me ” well it is her fridge “. No matter what mom and dad comes first ! I dont have a children with him . All i do is work to pay my debt and im going to school to be an a RN . Im not in the program yet. But living with the in laws in frustrating it can lead to miserableness and depression. I remember a long time ago i worked in a restaurant and i brought food from my job for my hubby and a drink , and it was night time, and happen to see my mother in law and her best friend outside. Then out of no where my mother in law friend came out of the car cussed me out and slapped me . Dude i was like wtf . I threw my drink to her face. Do you know why this happen ? Because my mother in law told her me and my hubby fight too much. Dude she got someone else to hit me to do her dirt . I love my husband and thats his mother. She gave him life but dude everything i put up to be with him was and is hell. Then the next day she pretends like nothing happen. Some people are crazy in the head like something isnt clicking in their brains you know. I feel bad just talking about my in laws but it sucks to live with them. All i want to do is want to be alone with hubby but as soon as i get home sometimes i see them laying down in the couch until the night like dammmmmm….since im already talking about this why not add more. My mother in law always complains how much shes tired of working and how old is she is and i feel like telling her likr shut up already . My mother is older than you and works overtime because she has no choice and she likes her own . You should learn from her . But im not that cold . I just keep to myself. Everything that she has done to me the things she has said to me inderictly just to piss me off invasion of privacy cant be taken back. My hubby tells me it was in the past . But he cant forget the things my mother has told him . At lease he dont have to see my mother but i have to see his annoying raggity parents everyday sometimes in the couch all afternoon to night . Shit i cant even walk naked . This sucks. I feel yall pain . Save money and get the hell out before you guys split !because more damage to the relationship can break. I can just handle so much and i dont doubt it for you peeps !!
I have lived on my own since 18. Join the millitary, join jobcore.
I can relate to you.. Not that my in-laws are mean to me but I just want to get the hell outta here. I don’t know why my husband won’t listen to me. It’s hard for me to adjust in. My father-in-law he got a really bad temper I just can’t stand him. He shouts and yells whenever things don’t go his way and God he don’t listens to no one but himself and everyone else has to listen to him, sometimes I wonder how my mother-in-law puts up with him. And there’s this little kid my husband’s little sister she’s such a rude spoiled kid.. I mean can u imagine she yells at her mom and brothers the way her dad does,and her mom loves her so much she won’t even scold her even if her daughter is being rude to her.. C’mon she’s only 4 years yet she beat and yells at her mom I just can’t stand her either. I just want the hell out of here already.
I made this mistake 2 months ago. Things are getting intensely worse. No privacy, no couple time, having to tell his parents everything about what we do, buy or sort out and I spend more time alone in his room than when I lived alone and he slept at my place in the week. I can’t talk to the in-laws about anything because they start bombarding me with unwanted advice and opinions and start stressing out which in turn stresses me out. I’ve resorted to saying nothing most of the time. My boyfriend though is fine with this all and says he’s used to it. He dosent want to waste money on an apartment and instead save for the house across the road. Fair ebough i guess. The man who lives there is on his last legs. I don’t know if I can handle it much longer here. I’m tired of eating meat every day and having my fitness habits laughed at and interrupted. I’m tired of being forced to sit with them and SO every damn evening to watch their stupid shows on the tv and listen to them bicker. I hate that they have a damn loud opinion about anything that’s going on in my life. Works closed for 3 weeks so I’m dealing with this every single day. We are expected to have breakfast with them every morning and I told SO no this is not happening we can do our own damn breakfast. I cant wait to go back to work because on certain shifts i dont see them for the whole week. They constantly bicker and make a big deal out of everything which I am not used to and it stresses me out. I am regularly in a shitty mood because of it. In the year me and SO were alone we never argued or very very rarely. Now it’s almost every day. I’m saving in secret for my own escape plan. When SO wants to move in with me he’s welcome to but I can’t deal with this for much longer it’s putting way too much strain on our once peaceful and happy relationship. I am starting to feel resentment towards him and more like a damn sibling that his girlfriend. It’s killing his sex appeal for me that he lets them boss him around and scold him and treat him like he’s 10. Not sexy. I hope our relationship survives but if things don’t turn around soon I’m gonna snap. The worst thing is that he knows this but refuses to acknowledge it. I’ve offered to pay for meals just the two of us or maybe go on a day out and somehow we never get around to it. If the in laws catch wind then they want to come with all the time. We had a auto meeting booked and his mum and dad sat there and said we should take his dad with us. God no just no. Thankfully it was a ticket only event. They act like they don’t get enough quality time with him to the point where I don’t get any quality time with him.
I didn’t sign up for this and I’m not about this life. I’ve lost my freedom and independence as a 25 year old grown woman (the mother won’t let me do my own washing because of her “rountine” and they don’t like my vegetarian cooking) and I’m slowly losing a wonderful partner and I am angry all of the time which makes me not the best person to be around either.
DONT MOVE IN WITH YOUR INLAWS NO MATTER WHAT NO EXCUSES NEVER EVER DO IT.
omg girl I feel you! Everything you wrote, it’s crazy! It’s like we’ve been living the same life, wow! Listen… you are not alone! and we will get through this sh*t! be strong!
5. Because i want to kick her dentures down her throat.
I’m having a hard time with this right now! My father in law that passed away 2 months ago used to live in a ranch.. he left his wife a widow and his son is going through a divorce and my sister in law is also going through a divorce with two kids! My husband is the oldest of the boys.. he wants to keep everyone happy but I feel his forgetting me in the process and only thinking about his mom. His mom wants all of us to live under the same house! I don’t agree with that I love my privacy my house my things.. his sisters kids don’t listen they destroy everything don’t clean after themselves and my brother in law is jobless lazy person doesn’t wanna work he blames his divorce that left him like this and my mother in law she’s saying she can’t be alone her depression and she’s sick she has diabetes!! I feel that moving all us under the same house my privacy and my alone talks and my cooking and lazy nights with my husband are all going to disappear and our 7 years of marriage is going to disappear as well…. I feel lost of and confused of my future to come
Not even for a week I would give them one or two days to come visit me or I visit them my mil visited me sometimes but I always felt miserable, controlled and uncomfortable when she is around. I love her and everything but I would never agree to let her come live with me,that is too much stress to take on.
I wish this stupid tradition of moving into your in laws house as soon as you’re married , is stopped !
We are currently staying with my father in law and brother in law (mil passed away several years ago) on the way to the mission field, and it’s hell. They interfere in parenting, I am the housekeeper, I never do anything well enough. My huband feels pressured (and almost always gives in) to spend time with them instead of his family. They resent that my kids have things and that the house doesn’t look like a bachelor pad. I feel like a visitor trying to just get by, and that is not a good way to parent long term. Because we pay cheap rent, my fil thinks that gives him say over all our finances. We had a decent in law relationship before moving in, but there is so much truth in the verse “a man should LEAVE his father…”
Me & my husband are ready to get a divorce over my mom living with us, & I don’t have the guts to tell me mother it’s time for her to go.
I am thankful that I am not in this situation yet even though I have been married for a year now. We live in a different country so Immigration rules are the main reason why we dont live together with his family. His parents are not rich at all and feel entitled to everything we earn and spend. They keep asking husband to take care of his youngest sister who is now 14 yrs for her education and living expenses when we are yet to even start a family. The few days we lived together when we got married were full of weird experiences like never sleeping in the same bed even though we were married and his 14 year old sister slept between us because her dear brother was around for only a few more days. He comes from a culture where he has to look after the parents when they are old and he has been telling me we will have to look after them when they are older which includes living in the same house. The father in law asked me what money i make when husband was’nt around and kept calling me a miser because we choose not to spend all our earnings on the wedding. My mother has spent almost $35,000 for our wedding and first home because she could and wanted to. His dad has not spent a dollar and we spent everything that was supposed to come from “him” from our pockets for the wedding. We have been set back a few years because of that as he wanted the perfect wedding to show off but din have the money. He kept taunting about how they did not recieve money from the girls side (he comes from a rural village in India where the girl pays the boy for marrying her). They want to show how open minded they are fr not taking money from me or my family but taunted me instead when husband wasnt around. His other sister who is 26 years old sat in between her husband and my husband who is her real brother and was holding my husbands hand the whole time which i though was weird and she kept showing authority over my husband which is crazy as he own husband was present. There was no space for me to sleep the day after the wedding in their house and she laughed about it. We had a hotel room booked the night after the wedding and when we were leaving to go his father said he was coming too so then I slept in the next room with my family and he and his father slept in the hotel room meant for both of us. This passive aggressiveness is super annoying for me and even though they are a loving family, I have qualms about staying with them. I feel my father in law is lazy and wants to mooch of me and my husband as he believes it is his right for the rest of our lives. FIL even got upset at me for avoiding to go for a wedding as I did not want to cover my head like the women in their village are supposed to when they step out of their house. Husband has been supportive in front of in laws but later on tells me off. We have argued a few times while discussing things but he knows they are different and even he cannot stay with them for more than 15 days.They constantly ask us to send them gifts and the lack of privacy is haunting as me and husband lived together alone for 4 years before getting married and we will definitely kill each other if we have to put up with his overbearing parents.
How about a situation where I do not have inlaws from hell? They are good people but staying here for almost two years is about to drive me nuts! I feel resentful towards my husband because his decision to move us here without much consideration about how I, or even his own mother will feel. I am appreciative for having a place to stay but believe I overstayed my welcome and to top it off, I am a introvert who craves a lot of privacy. I miss having my own place where I can decorate, cook meals in own kitchen and raise my child without feeling I am being carefully watched and judged. I’m tired feeling uncomfortable because it’s not my own family (sad I know) so I can’t relax as much as I want I know it sounds harsh but I want to raise and spend time with my own little family without everyone else always around, and yes, it will apply if I was living at home with my own folks too. If I can only go back and tell him hell no, I wouldn’t post on here at all. There’s nothing like your own place.
I know how you feel. I am an introvert too and I really miss having my own place. Privacy is very important to me and I regret agreeing to live with my inlaws. They are nice people but have very annoying habits that are driving me crazy. Thankfully my husband agreed to look for our own place again because it is starting to get depressing. I feel like I can never relax and be myself. I don’t think I will be visiting them for a while after we move out. I feel like I need a long break away from them.
I Am Married Wit Four Kid,leaving With In My Father Inlaws House,and I Don’t Like It,but My Husband Won’t Want To Listen To Me,because He Does What The Family Want,am Not Happy In My Marriage,an No Freedom,they Treat Me As A Slave,i Do All D House Chores,wash The Cloth,plate And Cook For My Husband,kids,my Father Inlaws And Mother Inlaws,no Rest,no Freedom,i Studied Biochemistry,but I Don’t Have Anybody To Assist Me Financially To Collect My Result,so I Just Do A Teaching Job,collect A Token,to Help Myself And My Kid,my Father Who Wanted To Assist Me Financially Is Dead Year Back,am My Mother A Poor Widow,am Going Through Hard Time,the Only Solution Is To Leave The Inlaw House,but No Money To Rent,and I Need Money To Start A Business To Live A Comfortable Life With My Husband.Thanks.
Ruined our relationship, self identity, confidence and individuality. Worse thing ever…
If you want to keep your sanity, do not ever stay with mother in law. You will totally lose your soul n be engulfed by hatred. Stay away from Mother in law!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I also have one problem which can be similar to this one.I got married in January 2017,unfortunately my Father in-law passed away not so long and now we have to move back to the house He was living in together with my sister in-law and her daughter.I’have never experienced any bad thing with my sister in-law however I am not sure how long we gonna be like that.She has a child and I don’t,what happens if the child is naughty and has to be reprimanded? I’m scared it’s not going to be always nice and harmonious.
“No house is big enough for two families.” said my eighth grade teacher – now I understand completely, and I couldn’t agree more. My wife’s aged folks moved in with us five years ago due to their serious health problems. It seemed like the best answer to a huge problem. I love them dearly and we have done everything for them, but I am drained completely. I am most happy to care for them, but they are not happy people, and argue so much it is difficult beyond anything I’ve experienced. I am a war veteran, and my first wife cheated on me – hah, I’m battle hardened, but this is an impossible situation because there is no answer short of them moving out, and that can’t happen until they die basically. I’m experiencing bouts of almost uncontrollable angst, and depression I have never had. There’s no fix, and there’s no known end date – the stress levels are going to kill me. In general, I’d say that your Husband/Wife does not begin to understand how difficult it is for you to live with their parents because they grew up that way – they can’t see what you see. I just long for my home back, and freedom to live my life. There will come a tipping point for me soon, and I may become a single man once again. People usually look for the shortcut, and will take advantage of you. Life is too short.
I’m currently in this situation. My wife had been spending the entire duration of our marriage(three years) living with her grandma because she needed help with bills and such after her grandpa had passed away. I have been unhappy since my wife came to me with the suggestion that we should move in from our apt to help out in return for getting the house after her grandma passes(which makes me uncomfortable). I wasn’t ok with the idea of that because I feared we would have a lack of privacy, practically walk out egg shells considering her grandma is mostly likely set in her ways, as well as not have much say in anything that goes on. Well, I’m here to say that all of my fears have came true. What mostly grinds my gears is that her mom and dad are living next door on our left side, her brother and his roommates right across the street, and her uncle to the right of us. I can’t forget about my sister in law living next door to my wife’s uncle with her boyfriend and two kids. It’s no wonder her grandma needs help paying for everything because she makes dinner 5 times out of the the week for everyone. Every time I come “home”, someone is here. There’s no privacy and it drives me crazy! I’ve tried talking to my wife about maybe getting our own place to live like a married couple should, but also give her grandma a couple hundred bucks a month just like everyone who come by to eat should, but she’s so insistent that we stay. She’s so afraid to disappoint her family and go back on the agreement that so we could live like adult not teens that she’s willing to sacrifice my happiness and sanity to please them. Every time something needs done, I’m held accountable for helping. Her grandma doesn’t approve of alcohol, so we either have to sneak and drink it once she goes to bed, or go elsewhere… I haven’t had friends, or family over to hang out because the one too me my sister spent the night, her grandma threw a fit saying that this won’t be a place where everyone can come to sleep whenever they want to… messed up yet??? Well, I’m black and my wife is white, so her grandma didn’t approve of our relationship because of that, but now she’s ok with it. so I’m living with someone who didn’t care for my skin color. I just don’t know to do, but I do know that I don’t want to live here any longer…
Oh my, I don’t need four reasons – one is enough! No way I could live with them!!!
After losing our home to my husband’s bad money management skills, we ended up moving in with my MIL for almost a year. At first, everything was great between MIL and I but she became unbearable to live with. We had to sign this house contract that nobody followed ( I meant her and my husband) but they expected me to follow it to the letter. She got on me about cooking and cleaning ( which I was already doing. It’s frustrating cleaning behind a grown nasty person ) and always speaking her mind when I didn’t want to hear it. That’s what inner monologue is for.
She always had something to say about how I parent my daughter: she’s autistic and I tried to do things with her outside of the house to keep her socially engaged just like we used to do. MIL is always mentioning saving money but she doesnt practice what she preach. She fussed about not having enough money for bills but she was ordering frivolous stuff online all the time.
She was uptight about everything I used in the house and the car. She complained about me to my husband which he was stuck in the middle and hated it. I complained about her to him bc she was getting under my skin so bad. I tried talking to her which it didn’t help bc she’s one of those people who think they are always right. Because of my mounting frustration mixed with grief and sadness, I was placed on depression meds by my doctor. I even ended up in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack and it was anxiety. I missed privacy ( her room was right across from ours so she could hear things) I missed having my own space and she interfered with our relationship too much. My husband didn’t defend me when it came to her wanting me to go. He told me that I should have went with the flow and did whatever his mom told me to do which caused me to resent him. The last straw that broke the camel’s back was when she told me to keep moving my things out ( mind you I was already doing that weeks prior) and she has outgrown me, I was the cause of her stress ( no lady, she stressed herself out bc I stayed away from her when stuff started to go sour and she wanted me to still hold conversations with her. I stopped talking to her bc i find myself constantly defending what I said or what I said sounded dumb to her.
I got out of there with my child and my husband is still living with her. The day I left, She wanted me to get counseling. I wasn’t the one who needed the counseling. The moment I started to not do things the way she wanted me to or think things like her, I already had a target on my back. She did me a huge favor being a bitch: I don’t have anxiety anymore and I lost some weight. I was eating a lot due to stress and boy did it show! It has been three months since I have been MIL and husband free. When he decides to grow some balls, be responsible
And cut the umbilical cord, he knows where to find me. Guys, I have been married going on 12 years and please,
PLEASE
do not
Live with your inlaws no more
Than a week
Or
Two. Your relationships will be a lot better if you do just that 🙂
All of these are true. I am independent woman and I always like to have time alone, no noise, nobody except my husband around. Living with mother in law is something which always annoyed me as there is no privacy. Being intimate around the apartment with my husband is impossible! I love to make the place so beautiful but I prefer not to since all of the things around are my mother in law things. My day is always not good. I always lock myself inside the room. I really hate it! I keep telling my husband about what I feel but it seems to be that it’s hard for him to make action this time. It sucks!
Omg I completely feel you!!! It was just like that for me when my husband and I lived with my in-laws. Things never got better, only worse. I wanted to make my home a beautiful place to live but could not with all their crap everywhere. I hid in my room and that made them think I was lazy or something, but really it was the only way to preserve my sanity without always being away from home. Absolute hell. The only remedy was to finally be able to get our own place. His parents still don’t like me but at least I don’t have to face them every fucking day anymore. It was also hard for my husband to confront them because that put him in the middle and he loves them. It’s been a couple years since you wrote this. I really hope your situation has changed and that you are able to breathe freely now and drop all the depression and anxious feelings your mil forced on you. I’m still kinda working on it but it’s a lot better now at least.
My in laws have been living with us (me now) for 19 years. We somehow made it work, wasn’t easy at times so I can relate to so many that wrote before me. Then my spouse passed away, after battling terminal cancer for a long time. So my in laws are still with me, in my house and they feel like they are entitled to everything. I finally reached the point when I finally feel that I am still alive and should be more happy going forward. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sit well with my in laws. I was told that spending time with my friends is all wrong. I need to wait 4 years!!! The harsh words I heard – they expect me to devote myself to my almost teenage child and practically to them. I said No. I told them to move out, look for an apartment and go. The sad part is they use their son’s name to make me feel guilty, if he would see what’s going on right now. They are very dependent on others, expect me to read their minds and be available to always help. They don’s ask for help directly, they make these comments or talking to them self how hard is for them to do something. I am getting tired of living like that as I feel like I am treated like a teenager, in my own house I have no rights to do anything on my own. They say they are helping me but I am really exhausted with their mental games, especially MIL. They have few months to move out, to be able to save/patch the relationship with them – it is an only option. I thought it could work but I feel like my role is to work and just provide for everyone. I am so looking forward my freedom, just living with my child, start fresh! One day the sky is going to be blue again.
My in laws are driving me nuts . They’re passive aggressive till they become explosive . I love them when I am not around them lol but that’s hard when I live with them . It’s been little knit picking comments when I decided to no longer clean up after them ( I only vacuum the living room and sometimes sweep because of my daughter ) but lately they refuse to punish her when she does something they don’t like ( the fact that do that in front of me leads me to believe they don’t discipline her when I’m gone ) to make matters worse : they get agitated and Whiny when she doesn’t listen to them … but what’s been bothering me even more they won’t let her out of the living room /dining room area … she’s starting to follow me into the kitchen and learning where her room is and where things around the house are . But because they don’t want to teach her about dangers other than just expecting her to listen she’s stuck . I lost my job recently so I hasn’t been so bad since I take care of all of that .. but I’m afraid as to what is going to happen when they start watching her again .
So….I live with my in laws – it has been nearly 2 years now and I have had a great relationship with them – however, I feel if I don’t move out soon, I feel the relationship will probably go sour. I have explained this to my husband and he reluctantly agrees that we should move out. The problem is we can’t afford it. My husbands business is a start up and I am an expat who cannot work without a permit. It is really stressing me out and I am desperate to move out! What do I do?!!!
I know the feeling as I am in the the same situation. It’s is really disappointing.
There are 1000000 reasons why you shouldn’t live with your in-laws, but these 4 are a good start. Seriously though, unless your in-laws are what stands between your family and homelessness and starvation, Don’t do it. You’ll be miserable. I’m currently living that reality, and its nice not having to pay market value rent. But you pay for it in other ways. Privacy? What’s that? You won’t be able to take a shit without them smelling it. When you get intimate with your spouse, better keep it down or you’ll have to deal with crude and embarrassing remarks the next day. If you have children, they feel as though they’re entitled to unlimited access to them and feel as though they can do as they please. You’ll never be a good enough parent in their eyes, and how can you be? You’re living with them, so you’re obviously still a child yourself. You’re accessible to them 24/7 , and they will abuse the privilege. If they have guests over, they’ll find ways to have you be amongst them, entertaining their guests that you didn’t even know would be coming. And why should they tell you anything? It’s their house! If you remain in the situation long enough, you will begin to resent your spouse, particularly if they aren’t good at setting boundaries with their parents.Even if homelessness is a real possibility for you and your family, there are resources available to help families in need. Utilize them. Don’t live with the in laws. One you become an adult, you’ll find that the best relationship you’ve ever had with your parents and in-laws will blossom, flourish, and thrive at a safe distance away from them.
HA! My dil and I both agree that living together was the best thing we ever did!
I plan to write a post soon about how to successfully live with your in-laws. About a year and a half ago, Dan and I moved in with my parents and it has been great – for all of us!
I really like this post… I’m 8 years married and still living with my mother in-law’s house..It seems my husband is “MAma’s Boy” and i super hate it.. I’m so dissapointed that my husband can’t affort to rent a house for us… We have 2 kids already 7 & 11.. What should i do? I don’t have work.. Though i have a small biz “online” still can’t pay the bills for that.. But my husband’s job is kinda can pay the bills and rent but still he’s afraid to rent by our own….and it makes me want to hate him… He’s coward!! He can’t even buy his own car because he’s coward! He is just like his mom at the age of 68 she is still renting a house… What to do???? Pls reply
My situation is kinda similar but no yet defined! I am still living with my parents cause of economic reasons. My wife was brought from another country. She belongs to a latino family which is totally fine for me a long as she is the only one who´s living with me. The trouble for me came when her sister moved here to work illegally. we are all kind of obliged to hep her on Saturdays and Sundays because she is visiting us ever since.
I never liked her though she is know doing fine, just as we do financially. However she is always broke cause remittances and debt with her relatives and friends. Let alone her usual addiction to gossip! which I hate it so much!
The other day I heard something I will never forget because I really hate it. My wife said on the phone that if we could rent an apartment she would let her stay with us. I don´t know how this is gonna end up but I don´t think I would be happy living in that situation! Sometimes makes me feel bad. As if I am a bad person just because I do not accept that she needs to see her sister but I never had that kind of family. A house full of people coming and going with no control and privacy.
I am in this situation right now, I moved out of my parents house to live with my fiancee (I am not a family person at all). My parents have never met one of my boyfriends, I have never even told them about him, they like him so much, they told him the loved him, my parents never even tell me that! My fiancee is a huge family person, no matter how many times they screw him over he’s always there for them, which pisses me off but at the same time I can’t understand because I’ve never been a family person. His mother got sick and he put me on the spot asking if she could stay with us. I’m spoiled, selfish and every other bad thing you could think of, but one thing I am not is heartless. So since I was put on the spot I said yes. She had a place to live she doesn’t want to like with her mother anymore because she gets high on pills, although she’s been living with her for years so I don’t understand why all of a sudden it’s a problem now. We live in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment, it’s probably around 550 square feet IF that. She’s not a bad person, we don’t have any kids so I can’t comment on the parenting thing, but I’m sure if we did there would be a problem. She cleans she helps out with some bills and she helps with out needy cat, but just like all of you I used to have a good relationship with her and now I cannot stand to see her every damn time I come home. To put icing on the cake, his sister broke up with her baby daddy of 12 years so she’s taking his moms place where she used to live. She has a little girl who’s 8, I love her to death but she is spoiled, a brat, annoying and follows you everywhere. She said she can’t stand living with her grandma anymore, so naturally guess who comes to me and asks if they can move in if we get a 2 or 3 bedroom apt? Of course like the pushover I am, I said yes. Now I am hugely regretting this, I like my space, I like being able to walk around naked or without pants. I like being able to sit on the couch and watch my shows and I can’t do that with his mom and especially not if his sister moves in. We have fought repeatedly over and over again about this, he says it’s because I’m not a family person and I don’t understand, and if he can help his family whenever he can he will, at what cost? Our relationship?! Then when they piss him off or do something he doesn’t like he comes complaining to me about them. I don’t know what to do. I’m getting teary-eyed typing this, It’s either stay and be miserable and uncomfortable and fight all the time, or leave and live in my car, or suck it up and go back to my parents even though I don’t want to hear my mom telling me I told you so.When we’re alone and we’re not fighting everything’s. She even went to stay at her mom’s for over a week and was calling him everyday to complain, she lived there before why the hell is it a problem now? Because she has it good living with us?! She “heard” we were going out of town for new years and she called him and asked could she go with us, it’s pathetic. Just because she doesn’t have a life nor a husband doesn’t mean she needs to butt into ours. I feel like there’s 3 people in this relationship instead of 2, and I feel like I’m being used because I can’t say no, but at the same time I feel like it’s my fault for not saying no, but if I would’ve said no to his family staying with us it would have caused a problem between us too so either way I’m SOL. He already told me one time that he wasn’t going to kick her out and that he couldn’t give me what I wanted right now. He said eventually they would leave but I have a good feeling that’s going to be years from now if they ever leave. He also told me to put myself in his shoes, and i told him that I would never put him in the situation that he put me and us in, plus my parents already said that they would never do that, and I know they wouldn’t. Anybody have any advice on what I should do?
Well, you wife will to googling how raise child, instead taking advice in-laws.
I moved in with my boyfriend when I got pregnant. Apparently he lives in his mother’s house who passed on 3 years ago. In the house there’s his cousin sister n the man who used to be his mother’s boyfriend before she died. So I moved in around April 2015 n we have a room in the house (his bedroom ofcos) his mother’s boyfriend is in the master bedroom (truthfully speaking he shouldn’t even be here) n my husbands cousin occupies the other room. I gave birth to our son n he’s now a year old but we have to sleep with him in our room since there’s no where else to put him. My mil’s boyfriend stays at home 24/7 n makes life very hard for everyone. He’s so demanding n I can’t even have my privacy. Worst of all he smokes even in my son’s presence. My sil is a control freak. She even has to monitor how food is consumed in the house. As if that’s not enough my boyfriend’s other sisters also want to control our home even when they don’t live with us. Am getting tired of the relationship and my boyfriend just keeps on telling me to learn to live with them. I’ve suggested moving out but he says he can’t go renting when his mother’s house is empty. So I told him to tell the people to leave but he says they’re helpful (but ofcos there’s nothing they’re doing that I can’t do when they’re gone) . Now my husband thinks am selfish and our relationship is on the rocks. I feel like I can’t live like this anymore . I want to leave into my own house with my son. I need some advice. Thanks