In a previous post a guest author listed 6 ways to rekindle the spark in your marriage. This is one of the most popular searches that leads to the Newlywed Survival blog, and I think it is about time to give more ways. So, I sought out some expert advice. I got such an overwhelming response, that I am going to break this up into multiple posts to keep them shorter! So, here is some expert advice to rekindle the spark in your marriage.
Get rid of boredom
Martin Novell LMFT, a relationship expert and psychotherapist who practices in Los Angeles says that when a couple becomes disconnected, boredom sets in. So, he says the real question is how do you get rid of the boredom? In some cases, the relationship may be getting too predictable, and you should try to break the predictable pattern. However, if the boredom is more emotional, where there is underlying disappointment or anger, breaking your patterns won’t help. He recommends trying the following exercise:
Write a a list of several reasons you think your marriage may be in a slump. After you list the reasons, add things that you, personally, will try to do to turn around or correct each issue. It’s important that this exercise be done in a loving, not destructive, way. You are doing this to rekindle your love, not to move further away from each other.
When each of you has written your list, exchange them. Take a day or so to read them and plan a time to discuss. You’ll need time to think seriously about your partner’s list so that you do not react defensively.
As you go over the lists together, team up and see what solutions you can come up with. Finding answers together is a great way to rekindle sparks, as you find new strength and pride in your ability to work well together.
If someone begins to argue or yell, the conversation ends there — to be resumed at another time.
A few quick tips
Roland Hinds, interpersonal relationship expert and author of Are You The Right One For Me? Whose Choice Is It Anyway?
- Try cuddling and sleeping together in the au naturale, so it gives the hormones a chance to arouse the other partner. It does not have to be about sex, but being able to reconnect.
- Flirting innocently using modern technology as a means to keep things spicy such as, the iPhone to send kisses or make funny gestures to make your mate laugh. Text message humorous photos of each other from weird locations and let your spouse know they’re in your thoughts. (get texting ideas)
- Never stop date night! Marriage does not mean your mate does not want to be courted and made to feel special ever again. Each person should still plan individual dates surprising their mate without asking their opinion. (get date night ideas)
These are excellent practices newlyweds should continue to commit and make part of their relationship.
Stay tuned for part 2 in this series coming soon!
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for the tips. I wish we could do more date nights, but we really don’t have anyone to watch the kids, so it is a tough one.
Sofia, You should try switching off with a friend or neighbor who has kids. You get one date night while they watch the kids, and then repay the favor!
This is great! My husband and I also pull out our ‘Table Topics – Couples’
from time to time to really open up our conversations. Too often we can get bogged down with the whole, “How was you day?” discussion that throwing something like, “What’s your favorite photo of your partner?” into the mix can really make things interesting and fun!
Great idea, Carlene!
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